My first ever Valentine gift was 2 stick sweets. And, no, I wasn't in primary school when I received it. It happened very recently. Yes, I was in my twenties when I received two stick sweets as my first ever Valentine gift.
Now, you might ask,
“Was it from your brother?”
But guess what? It was actually from the love of my life.
I know you are now very confused. And you might have questions ranging from;
“How broke was he that 2 stick sweets was all he could afford?”
“Wait.. are you guys even official? Were you guys in a situationship? That is not even an excuse. Even people in the talking stage gets wayyy better gifts.”
“Was he not aware that it was your first ever Valentine? How did he miss the chance to create the best memory for you?”
And some questions might even blame me,
“You waited to date in your twenties only to date a broke guy?”
If you ever had any of these questions(or even worse ones), all of it are valid. If someone else had told me this, I would also think the same thing.
“2 stick sweets as a valentine gift? The guy does not rate you at all!”
But, do you know there is another point of view to this? For me to have worded the statement that way, that was exactly what I wanted you to think. I wanted you to be of the impression that the guy failed miserably by giving me just 2 stick sweets. I could have worded that differently.
You still don't get it? Now, let's switch things up!
My first ever Valentine gift was the most thoughtful of all gifts I have ever received. Honestly, I have always wondered why ladies made a big fuss over valentine gifts. Some even go as far as threatening to break up with their boyfriend if they didn't get one. But that day, I eventually understood why.
There was so much intentionality behind the gift. I didn't know my boyfriend pays attention to what I say until I was presented the gift.
Can you see how dreamy and superb I described it? If I had started the newsletter this way, the romantics would have been gushing and ‘awwing’
And the pained singlets would have been rolling their eyes. Calling me ‘oversabi’, while secretly wishing their turn would come.
If this was a one-on-one conversation, you would have asked curiously and excitedly,
“What did he gift you? Tell us!!”
Smiling coyly, I would have replied, “That is a secret.”
Your imagination would blow up like your disappointment. And you would begin to wonder,
“He probably gave her lots of money.”
“Or an expensive curated valentine package!”
Some of you might even defend him,
“It is her first ever Valentine, I am sure she got the best treat. What guy would not want to make that the perfect memory?”
And none of you would have thought it was 2 stick sweets.
Now, before you get distracted by my amazing storytelling skills, where are my going with all this?
Narratives shape perception. The way you started narrating the incident, the tone you used, the pauses, they all shape the way the listeners interpret the incident.
Most times, we have a way of leading others to choose a side with the way we narrate a scenario. We forget that we are the ones that have the full facts of the incident. We forget that if they view the incident from the perspective we narrated it, they would most likely have a wrong import of the incident.
That is why you naturally assumed my boyfriend must have been a bad person for gifting me 2 stick sweets. And that it was right of you to think that.
But, if in the first paragraph, I had started by telling you how excited I was that my boyfriend noticed that I loved something and gifted me that thing. Or if I had started the newsletter with me describing it in a dreamy way. No one would consider him gifting me two stick sweets as something bad.
Rather, you would be amused. Your reaction would have been,
“You must have liked that sweet so much for your boyfriend to have gifted you that.”
Wait! I am not blaming you. Here is this thing, most of us do this without even realizing. We do it subconsciously without any intent to cause confusion. When we narrate incidents, we just pick it from any point without considering what the listener would think.
I do it too. There are times I would be gisting with a friend about another person. But my friend would get a wrong idea that I dislike this person. However, once I finish the gist, they would just go, “Oh! That makes sense now.”
Now, imagine the damage that would have happened if I had stopped my gist abruptly. They would have inherited a beef with that person.
Hence, the way we narrate an incident shapes the listener’s reality. It shapes not just their impression of the event, but their impression of the people involved.
The listeners fills in the blank with their own assumptions, biases and past experiences. And, in the end, they ‘judge’.
Remember, People don't just hear what you said—they hear what they believe you meant.
I am back again👋. Hi, lovelies. How have you guys been?😊
What changed since the last newsletter?🌚🤔
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Do well to like and engage this post.
See you when I see you. Byeee!
"People don't just hear what you said—they hear what they believe you meant."
That hit home!
Btw, I love your boyfriend already 😂😂 Intentional men are rare this days😅
The part where you said " And the pained singlets would have been rolling their eyes. Calling me ‘oversabi’, while secretly wishing their turn would come. " Is so true. ma'am
Others would be secretly jealous of the joy and happiness you have in sharing the story with them and they'll come up with words like " both you and your lover no get level.No matter how international he is, he could have gotten you something better " Meanwhile, most of them have not ever for one be treated that way in their either life of being in a relationship.